


Finding The Way To You

by JustCallMeGirlFriday



Series: Getting into the complications of feelings [6]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-09
Updated: 2013-01-09
Packaged: 2017-11-24 07:18:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/631853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustCallMeGirlFriday/pseuds/JustCallMeGirlFriday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>JJ and Emily are two different women. Both are strong and independent. But they find they need to be dependent on others as their lives begin to turn into a rapid downward spin cycle. Will they come to realize that they need each other?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. JJ's Turn

"If you could describe your perfect woman, what would she look like?" Gracia said not turning away from her scene. She smiled a private smile as she felt JJ tense up behind her.

"I'm not gay, Penelope." JJ said in a tight voice as she stared at the map that she was pinning up. She missed the board and managed to stab her right pinkie in the process. "Ouch." She whimpered as she brought her hand up and suck the blood.

Gracia didn't turn around, she knew that JJ had everything under control. Sides she saw the thumb tack mistake through her computer scene. "You don't have to be gay, JJ. I am just asking if you could describe your perfect woman, what would she be look like?"

"I have never thought about it." JJ said firmly but Gracia could read the unsureness in her best friend's voice. She finally turned around from her beloved computer scene and looked JJ fully.

"Why not?" Gracia asked as she tilted her head. "I'm not gay or even bi – sexual and even I have had some girl crushes in my time." She smiled. "It's perfectly normal JJ, nothing wrong with it."

JJ blushed and turned quickly back to the map and pushed the thumb tack roughly into the edge of the map. "I wasn't brought up that way." She said as she turned back to face Gracia. "I was brought up to thinking it's a sin to even think along those lines."

Gracia tilted her head, "What do you, Jennifer Jareau truly think about the gay and bi – sexual life style?"

"I don't have a problem with it." JJ said thoughtfully.

"So who would be your perfect woman?" Gracia asked with a huge smile on her mouth. "And don't tell me you haven't thought about it, everyone has it's normal. So tell girl."

JJ sighed deeply as she closed her eyes. "She's outgoing, but calm. She loves to be out there in the world. Experiencing all that life has. But she also loves being cozy in front of a fire place. She loves her wine and champagne but mostly she loves it in the bathtub. She loves being around people but she doesn't do crowds. She loves children and animals. She loves just being with her loved one."

"What does she look like?" Gracia asked as she watched JJ's face intently.

"She has chocolate brown eyes, more like mocha than chocolate. You can read her emotions through her eyes, she doesn't hide anything. She where's her heart on her sleeve." JJ didn't realize how soft her face became the more she talked. "She's easily hurt by the world but she is strong and can handle herself. But she can receive comfort and support easily."

"What else?" Gracia asked as JJ paused.

"Her hair is a raven brown, styled in the latest style but her very own." JJ continued. "Her face stands out better because of her hair. Her eye lashes are black and long. Her check bones are high, high enough to almost disappear at the ear. Her mouth is normal sized but smooth and pink. Her neck is graceful like a swans."

Gracia had a thoughtful look in her eyes as she slowly pieced together whom JJ truly was talking about.

"Her body is thin as a dancers. Her hands are delicate and smooth. Her fingers are pianist." JJ stopped speaking and slowly opened her eyes.

"Why don't you tell her your feelings?" Gracia asked in a knowing voice.

"I'm not gay." JJ forcefully said. "Sides I'm in love with -" she stopped as she realized what she was about to blurt out.

"Spencer." Gracia finished. She laughed gently at JJ's shocked look. "Everyone knows it JJ, everyone expect for Reid." She shook her head. "But your feelings for Reid isn't the topic here." She looked meaningfully up into JJ's eyes. "It's ok to have a girl's crush, JJ. She can handle the feelings." Her head tilted. "Side's I think it would help her to open up and relax more."

JJ shook her head. "I'm not even bi – sexual. I don't want to lead her on." She frowned. "I don't want to hurt her. Not for the world."

"But you want to become better friends with her?" Gracia said as she stood to her feet and walked over and put her hand on JJ's right shoulder blade. "Tell her what you admire about her, I'm sure that will do the trick."

"She'll take it the wrong way, and she'll be hurt." JJ whispered.

"She's a strong woman. Very lonely but strong. Her entire life she had been told to hide her emotions and not to open up to anyone. That too allow anyone in would give the other person power to hurt her and use her emotions against her." Gracia said looking straight into JJ's eyes and soul. "She's truly friendless and she hates it. She wants to trust some one and let someone in, but she's too afraid."

"I don't want to hurt her." JJ softly said.

"You won't." Gracia said letting JJ go. "Out of all of us, JJ, you truly are the only one who can get into Emily Prentiss heart and soul. Once you are in I'm sure she'll allow the rest of us in." She stepped back and sat down in her chair and turned to face her computer once more. "Tell her what you told me, trust me."

JJ simply sighed and turned back to the map, they had work to do. But she would seriously think on what Gracia had said.

All this started with just a simple silly question. "Describe your perfect woman."


	2. Emily's Turn

"If you could describe your perfect woman, what would she look like?" Garcia asked walking into Emily's apartment.

"What happened to hello?" Emily asked nonplussed as she continued holding open her door. Her head twisted to look at her friend who was standing in the center of her living room, with arms folded across her chest, and a cherish cat grin on her lips.

"Hello, and if you could describe your perfect woman, what would she look like?" Penelope said once more in a patient sing song voice.

Sighing, Emily closed the door. She made sure to lock it. Even when she was home she always locked the door. It was the way of the jungle. Lock your home, no matter what. She walked towards the living space of her open apartment. "What brought this question on?" She asked tilting her head. She was puzzled, although the girls had a girls' night out the previous night, this question wasn't brought up. Hell, this question had never been brought up among the three of them.

"Why are you avoiding such an innocent and perfectly valid question?" Penelope returned with a grin.

"Have you been drinking without me?" Emily decided to play the question off as a joke. She wagged her fingers. "Haven't I warned you, Penelope, that drinking with a group of friends is so much funnier?"

"The only thing I have drunk today is coffee, not too much to make me hyper. I haven't eaten anything too sugary or taken any unmediated drugs. I haven't even taken any medicated drugs even." Penelope said. Her grin widened even more. "If you could describe your perfect woman, what would she look like?"

"You are one tracked minded today aren't you?" Emily said with a sigh. She saw that the other woman wouldn't give up this question anytime soon. She decided to play along. But, she would have her fun. "Strong built, muscles out to here, tanned, facial hair like you wouldn't ….."

"Emily! Answer this question truthfully. I will not leave until you do, damn it." Penelope finally lost her temper and shook her head in annoyance. She held up her hand, "Don't even tell me that you aren't gay, or even bi-sexual. You don't have to be. You can be as straight as a horse's ass and still be able to answer this damn question."

Eyes wide in shock, Emily was stunned into silence. She nodded. "She's beautiful. Not just on the outside, but on the inside. She protects her soul carefully, but once you reach it, you just want to protect it ever more closely than she even does. She puts an outward face for the world, but once you find her true face, you are in heaven.

She loves to be alone, not lonely, but alone. She loves to keep the people she cares most close to her. She loves to play games. Not with people's minds, but sports. But she also loves to sit by the fireplace, with a glass of wine and a novel at her side. She loves animals; even through she had to get past a past fear. She loves children."

"Yes, but what does she look like?" Penelope asked in a soft voice.

"Baby blue eyes, made even lover by the light makeup she wears. If you pay close enough attention you can read her entire emotional life in them. You could get completely lost in them." She didn't realize how musical her voice became. "She's been hurt, deeply, but she is strong and can take care of herself. She doesn't let her guard down, not even among those she loves the most. But, when she does, she accepts the comfort and love that is offered to her."

"What else?" Penelope asked as Emily fell silent.

"Her hair is blond, strawberry blond. She loves to wear it down mostly. It suits her face beautifully." Emily continued after a few minutes of silence. "Her lips are the most special inviting part of her face. They just beg to be kissed. They just beg to be outlined by a finger. Her checks are smooth and pink, not because of her blush, but because when she is blushing it shows clearly." Emily smiled, "Her neck …"

"Yes?" Penelope raised her right eye brow.

"Her body is thin, like a dancer. But not too thin, she takes care of herself. Her curves are in all the right spots. Her legs are long and thin, you could almost wrap your one hand around her ankle. Her arms are long and thin, down to her fingers." Emily continued. "Her fingers are like a violinist."

"Why don't you tell her?" Penelope asked with a smile.

"I'm not gay." Emily breathed in tightly as she realized that Penelope was standing in front of her. Her face felt hot.

"Don't tell me you in love with someone else?" Penelope shook her head. She tilted her head. "Although if you told me it was Hotch that you were in love with, than I would believe you."

Emily blinked.

"It's ok to be deeply in love with Hotch, Emily, and still have deep feelings for her. It's not betraying him. It just shows that you can feel deeply." Penelope said.

"She's not gay." Emily said. "She wasn't brought up with the idea that thoughts like these are ok. She would be hurt and it would be very hard to work alongside her, knowing that I have caused her embarrassment."

"She's a grown woman, Emily; she has seen enough of the world to know ….." Penelope was caught off.

"Enough, Penelope. Enough. We will discuss this never again." Emily looked her friend in the eyes. "You will not tell her about this. Ever. Promise."

Penelope sighed. "I promise. But I have to ask you one question."

Emily sighed preparing her self for one of Garcia's questions. Anything would be easier than the past question had been.

"Why won't you tell JJ what you admire about her? I'm sure that JJ would …."

"Get out Garcia." Emily said in her tight voice. "Just leave me the hell alone." She walked to the door and unbolted it. Opening it she held it, waiting for the other woman to leave.

Penelope walked to the door, turning she faced the older woman. "What are you so afraid of, Emily? It can't be rejection. Because, you, yourself have rejected yourself before anyone else can." With that she turned and walked into the hallway.

Emily shut the door and locked it. She turned and leaned her back against the door. She faced an empty and lonely apartment.


	3. Pregnant Sickness Hits

Rushing quickly down the hall, praying she would arrive in time. Pushing the door open, not caring that it crashed against the wall, not noticing that the mirror was rattling slightly above one of the sinks. Rushing forward and pushing the only door left separating her from her goal.

Kneeing down she just made it before vast amount of vomit spewed from her mouth. She gripped the toilet in a death gripe, fingers whitening as the blood left; she just allowed the vile vomit to leave her body.

She felt arms wrap themselves around her back. Holding her in place as she felt her own body give out on her. She closed her eyes allowing the other person to be her strength. She leaned forward once more and just allowed all the waste to leave her body.

She slowly leaned backwards into the lean hard chest, as the arms moved so the hands could lightly rub her stomach, in slow circles. "That feels nice." JJ whispered huskily.

"Good." Spencer said in her sweaty right ear. "Do you think the little one is settled now?"

"I sure do hope so, Spence, -" JJ's voice cracked. "I – I can't take much more of this. Pregnancy sickness is truly wearing me out. Weakling me even. I have to be strong and fit for my baby's shake."

JJ finally felt strong enough to pull away from Spencer. With his help she stood to her feet. Sighing deeply as she flushed the toilet. Soon her sickness was running through the pipes and fresh, clean water swooshed up.

Spencer gently led JJ out of the small stall, over to the left sink. He pulled out a toothbrush holder, small tube of Crest toothpaste from his sweater inside left breast pocket. He silently pulled the toothbrush from its holder, put a small string of paste on it, and handed it to JJ.

JJ silently took the offered salvation for her foul breath, and brushed her teeth. She felt tons better now her mouth was clean once more, even through the air still smelt foul.

Spencer had turned the knob, filled a plastic cup with water. He took the toothbrush from JJ, and washed it, as she quickly swished her mouth with the water. He took the cup and dumped it before she could.

He took her right hand in his – making sure their hands were intertwined. After putting the toothpaste, toothbrush holder back in his pocket – he led her out of the women's bathroom.

\--

"I know you promised Will that you would take complete care of me and the baby, Spencer, but I can handle the very frequent times that pregnancy sickness strike me." JJ said with a small smile – after Spencer had made sure that she was comfortable in her desk chair.

"It's no trouble, JJ." Spencer said swishing the hair from his forehead.

JJ sighed. "I know that I get weak when I have to be sick. I do accept your concern and your comfort at those times. But women are pregnant all the time. Pregnancy sickness is quilt natural." JJ looked up into the always concern and compass ant eyes of Spencer Reid.

"But not all women are in the line of work as you, JJ. Even through you remain behind at the police stations, or here at the office, you are still stressed." Spencer said.

"Add Will's death -- and the fact that …" JJ broke off as tears fell from her checks.

Spencer knelt down and covered her hands which were wrapped her stomach with his own. "Will loved you and his child very much. He always wanted what was the best for you." He looked her even more deeply in the eyes. "He knew the truth on where your heart truly lies."

JJ's eyes widen and she stiffens. "W-what has he told you?"

"He just asked me to be there for you and the baby. To be the father that he never got the chance to be." Spencer said.

"What does that mean, besides all this over protectiveness hovering of us?" JJ took a deep breath.

"Besides being your best friend, I have set up a trust fund for the baby. I'll have a legal say on the baby's health." Spencer said. "Will …"

"Will what?" JJ's head tilted to the side.

Spencer shook his head, removing his hands, stood to his feet. "Promise that if you feel even more tired, you'll come and get me. I'll take you home."

JJ felt that the moment – if it truly had been a moment – had passed. She nodded her head firmly. She watched as Spencer left her office, closing the door softly behind him.

She picked up the framed photo of her and Will. She traced her finger around Will's face. "I'm so sorry that I couldn't be the woman that you always wanted. I'm sorry that my whole heart and soul was not yours, as yours was mine." Tears fell down her checks.

"Not only is my soul spilt in two – now I have a third tiny soul craved even more deep into it. Thank you, Will, for that. I will always be thankful to you for this child." She looked up when something caught her eyes out in the hallway.

Her heart skipped a beat. She watched as Emily passed by her office, the other woman didn't even turn to look at her. JJ could tell that Emily was in deep thought. She was worried that her friend was still dealing with the acts of what Cyrus had put her and Spencer through two months previous.

JJ stared at the far wall as two faces came to her mind. Spencer. Emily. They quickly started morphing and blending together until JJ grew dizzy with the kaleidoscope images.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place two months after the episode "Minimal Loss". Will sadly died – but how he died will come out in a later chapter.


	4. Nightmares and the Next Morning

Tossing and turning she couldn't get comfortable. She still felt his hands on her. She still felt his knee and legs on her body. She couldn't free herself. Every time she thought he was finally through with hurting her, he would come back, but more forceful than before. Her eyes had blurred from the moment he had slammed his fist into her face, that was hours ago. Or mere minutes ago – she had lost track of time. She managed to get to her feet, with the support of the metal shelving behind her, "I can take it." She said in a chocking voice.

"What did you say bitch!" He sneered. His fists at his sides ready to strike again.

"I can take it." She said once more with more force.

He stormed at her and spat in her face, "You don't know what you can take whore." With that his right hand moved to the back of her neck and she was staring up into his face. Her hair was in his hands, tears welled up in her eyes as he yanked. It felt like her head would yank off if he tugged one more time.

"I can take it." She said in a firm normal voice. She wasn't speaking to him – never to him. She was speaking to her team, which she knew was outside listening to him beating the shit out of her. She had to make them understand that she could take his abuse – because there were many innocent lives counting on her. Not only Spencer's. She was also talking to herself, letting herself know that she could take whatever he could dish out. That she was strong enough to survive this attack.

She knew that her team understood, and they would just wait outside until the right time. She prepared herself for the on slaughter that she knew that he wanted her to have. Her head jerked upright, she was suddenly back on the floor, her face slamming hard against the cement floor. She felt a hard boot on the back of her spine. She felt so much weight; it caused her face to crush into the ground. She couldn't breath; she began to struggle ……

"No!" She cried out as arms wrapped themselves tightly around her body. She tried to fight the attack, but she was weakening. She wasn't going to live to be able to save the innocent people. She had failed.

"Emily, it's all right. It's Aaron." Hit her ears. But she didn't believe what he said, he was just tricking her. Always the trick. He was going to calm her into thinking she was safe; than he would kill her. Well she wasn't going to go down without a fight. Her head slammed forward and she felt a crush as two heads banged together. One of them was her own.

\--

She awoke to light sunlight bathing on her face. She felt arms around her waist and her chest. She twisted her head slowly to find Aaron Hotchner asleep beside her. A giant bruise welting on his forehead. She lifted her right hand to run her fingers over it – trying to recall how he had banged himself. She couldn't believe that she couldn't remember. She had to remember. It was important. She had to protect this man - whom has come to mean so much to her. His hearing was still in danger, now this bruise. How did this happen?

She suddenly felt pain on her own forehead. She lifted her hand from Aaron's head and brought it to her own. She felt a welting in the exact same spot as his. Her eyes widen in realization. She had caused this hurt on Aaron. Tears ran down her checks.

His eyes slowly began to open, "Emily," He whispered moving his right arm from around her chest, up to her face. He began to gently wipe away her tears. "It's all right. No harm done. You were having a nightmare. I wanted to comfort you, and make you feel safe."

"I hurt you." She whispered bringing her right hand back to his forehead. "You shouldn't be here any longer, sir." She went back to her formal way of speaking to him. Even here lying in her bed. "I can take care of myself."

Aaron didn't remove himself from her side; he kept a firm grasp on her body, and shook his head. "When I tired to get you to leave me, you wouldn't. So I'm returning the favor."

"But I have never come to your place, and comforted you from your nightmares." Emily shook her head against her pillow. "All I have done was make sure that you take care of yourself, and stay away from loud noises."

"You are the only one that I truly allow to get close to me. Especially out on the field. Only you were the one that I allowed to try to comfort me when they were lifting the coffin up." Aaron said. He wiped her tears once more. "Now let me help you through this."

Emily slowly sat up and pulled away from him. "I can't sir. It's not proper." He sat up and waited for her to continue. "It's not proper for you being in my apartment. In my bed. Comforting me." She saw that although she had a sheet around her body, he wore nothing but the bottom half of his blue sweats. "It's not proper for us to be dressed like this with one another." Underneath the sheet, she wore a pale yellow long silky nightgown. "You are my supervisor, my boss. I'm your employee."

"You and I are so much alike, Emily Prentiss. Stubborn to the core. Always self assured and always taking care of ourselves. Never, never allowing anyone in. Never allowing anyone too close." Aaron said with a shake of his head. "But you found your way in when I needed someone the most, after the car bombing. I didn't want you out than, so I didn't fight it." He looked her in the eyes. "I have found my way in with you, and you are so fighting it. " He reached over, and touched her right hand which was lying at her side. "Stop fighting, Emily, allow me to stay in."

Emily looked Aaron deeply in the eyes – she was battling with herself. She pulled her hand away from underneath his. "Please leave, Sir, I'll see you at the office later." She said in a toneless tone.

Aaron sighed as he felt her pull away from him. Ever so away. He opened his mouth to argue once more. But he immediately shut it. He would do more damage if he tried to fight this. He had to obey this woman in front of him – he had to leave. But he wasn't done fighting, not by a long shot. He would win in the end. "As you wish." He said with a tight nod of his head. He got up from the bed. "If you need a little extra time – than take it."

"I'll be at my desk on time, sir." She said lifting her eyes to meet his.

Aaron sighed and left the bedroom.

She listened as he gathered up his stuff and left her apartment. The moment the door closed behind him, she lowered her head and allowed the tears to fall. Her body shook as she wrapped her arms around her waist, where his hands were just a few minutes before. Her front bowed forward and she felt her forehead touch the sheets.

\--

Head held high she walked towards her desk. She flattered as she saw Spencer lift his head and stare wide eyed at her. She looked at him meaningfully but compassionately. She continued to her desk, which was just across from his. They could touch feet underneath their desk if they wanted too – and they did. She set her purse down on her desk. She leaned forward and gently brushed the hair out of his eyes. "Hey kid." She said with a smile.

"Hey." He softly said back. His right hand reached up, and brushed aside her bangs. His eyes widen in shock.

"I had a run in with a door." Emily brushed the bruise off. "No worries."

Spencer had a thoughtful look on his face as he looked over her shoulder. Emily slowly twisted her head and saw Aaron staring down at her from the top level. His bruise shinning clearly on his forehead. He had no stray hair to cover it up. Swallowing tightly around the lump on her throat, she turned back around and faced Spencer's soft knowing eyes. She moved away from him and went to sit in her chair. "Any new cases come up this morning?" She asked in a business like tone.

"Emily …." He began.

"How's JJ doing?" She asked instead. She very well knew how deeply involved Spencer was in JJ's life since Will's death. Her heart skipped a beat just with the mention of her female friend's name.

"Why don't you ask her yourself?" A female voice asked from behind.

Emily twisted around and smiled up into her blue eyed blond friend's eyes. Her heart stopped for a moment as she got lost once more into those eyes. "Emily?" She blinked as she saw the concern in JJ's eyes.

"Sorry. I was lost in thought." Emily shook her head.

JJ nodded. "I understand." She frowned slightly. "So when are we going to have a girls night out again?" She rubbed her stomach. "I know that I can't drink right now, but we can still gossip and flirt with all the single men." Her eyes crinkled at the side. "I can scare them to …." She stopped suddenly.

Emily understood.

"But seriously Emily, I miss the girls' night out that we used to have." JJ said covering up for her near slip of the tongue. "I mean we don't have to go to the bar or anything. A nice dinner would be lovely also. Penelope would love anything we three do." Her hand reached over and rested on Emily's right shoulder.

Emily's body stiffed and JJ quickly removed her hand.

"I'm sorry for not having much time lately, JJ, but I have been swapped. Not only with work, but my mother's back in town and wants to spend time with me." Emily said standing to her feet quickly. Her waist slammed against her desk, hard, she cringed in pain, but she quickly pushed it down. She couldn't show weakness here in the office. Not in front of the other agents, not in front of her team, not in front of Spencer, who truly still felt horrible for what had happened to her at Sirius's hands.

JJ nodded in understanding. She backed away. "When you get a free moment, Emily, please call me." She looked Emily straight in the eyes for a long brief moment, turning she walked to the stairs that would led up to her office.

Emily sighed deeply and turned around and faced a very shock Spencer and Morgan. Her hands flexed on top of her desk, she sat back down once more. She lowered her eyes down to the files that needed her attention. She opened the file and tried to force herself to think of work and only work. Not to think of the hurt in JJ's eyes, or the pain in Spencer's, or the l…. in Aaron's.

She had to get herself back together. Her team needed her to be strong and put together.


End file.
